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Passion
The Core
Fire
(unedited
recording transcription)
Our lives are fueled by
Passion. It sits like a glowing ember deep inside each of us.
Sometimes it flares up and gives Fire to our activities and
involvements, and sometimes it sits and smoulders so weakly that we
hardly know it is there. Whether or not we feel the Fire makes the
difference between whether we are living or merely existing. Whether
our days are seeped in joy or depression, and to a large degree
whether or not we are successful in our ventures.
Giving attention to this
Fire in the core of their being is the missing link for many, if not
most People who are struggling to reconnect with their Native Selves
and return to the Old Way of Balance. Over the years I have watched
Person after Person struggle to find their Passion Fire. They just
couldn’t understand why it wasn’t working for them—how they
could put so much time into studying tracks and sitting in their sit
spots and attending courses, and still not be able to put it all
together and have it work; or gain a lot of experience and knowledge
with wild foods and still go hungry when it comes to the test; or
learn how to meditate and do ceremonies and still feel spiritually
bankrupt.
I’ve grown frustrated
over it myself. Every time someone has compared herself with someone
else or with me and said: “look what he (or you) can do, why can’t
I?” Every time someone has told me that they just don’t think
they have it in them and are thinking of going back to the life of
alarm clocks and pasta. Every time someone says, “that was then
and this is now” and that’s why it’s not possible to live that
way any more. Up until now, I’ve only been able to guide these
People to their Passion by example. My frustration has been that I
could only reach a few People that way, and there’s so many more
screaming the agony of their struggle.
Here I will try for the
first time to convey example with Passion. I pray that my words
don’t get in the way of the spirit of the sharing and that my words
will be tools enough to help you find the fuel to feed your Fire.
Let me start by
describing this Passion so that you will recognize it when it comes
and so that you can feed it what it needs to help it flame up from
deep in your gut and ignite your total being. Passion is Hunger. I
am not speaking here of hunger for food, although hunger for food
could be part of it. I’m speaking of a deeper Hunger — a
yearning, a lust, a drive that empowers our actions and fuels our
ambitions. Without this Hunger, there is no Passion. Let me give
you a few examples from my life:
When I used to head out
in the Wilderness with a canteen full of Water, I had no need to find
drinkable Water. Even though I had an interest and desire to do so,
my focus was not there. I would find many other things to preoccupy
myself. I came to realize that a full belly — or in this case, a
canteen — quenches the Fire.
When I quit carrying
Water with me, I felt a change inside myself. I felt my thirst. It
made me more alert and perceptive. It’s as though my energy was
flowing more freely. It was reaching out to the edges of my sight
and hearing. I was stepping more lightly. My fingertips grew more
sensitive. My mind grew sharper. Impulses were welling up that I
did not know I had, as though there was some sort of intuitive
guidance that was taking care of me, freeing my mind to process
sensory input. I felt alive, I gelt connected. I felt the way I
imagined a hungry Cat must feel stalking her prey. These new
sensations alone were worth it, I no longer much cared I found Water
or not!
The same was true when I
was out trapping or gathering Wild edibles. When I had a full belly,
I went through the motions, but I was largely coming from my head.
It was an intellectual pursuit. When I went out hungry, it brought
out my instincts and intuitions. I could more easily become the
Animal I was trapping. I would set a better trap. I could imagine
what it might be like to be a chubby Cat on a full belly stalking a
Bird. I would have no Passion for the stalk, because I had no
Hunger. Now, if I were lean and hungry, I would have a reason to
stalk. I would be there, fully present, fully attuned, fully in the
moment. With all of my energies and abilities dedicated to the
stalk.
I remember the same being
true in my personal relationships. When I would settle for an out of
Balance intimate relationship with dysfunctional behaviors and
patterns, I had little Passion for the relationship. It did not
bring out the best in me. I was not fully present. I wasn’t
striving my best to Heal. I didn’t strive to surround myself with
the energy that would bring out my best. That changed when I decided
I would no longer just settle for a relationship. I grew Hungry. I
decided I was no longer going to settle for Cat food and a litter
box. I was no longer content with just existing. I was going to
fast and grow lean and sharp and go out and stalk that Bird as I was
intended to do!
Then I had Passion for
relationship and could hear the Voices that were guiding me to what
was intended. I had motivation for Healing. I could write poetry to
express my feelings because I was in touch with them. I could give
of myself because I had a Self to give. Then relationship started
working for me. And that’s because I was working!
Here’s an example from
yesterday. This is the experience which gave me the awareness that
now is the time to help others find their Passion: I run a program
where a group of People spend a year in the Wilderness, learning to
build their own primitive shelters, gather their own food, make
buckskin clothing, and all of the other skills that go along with
living the Old Way. One of these skills is making Fire by friction.
They begin their year with matches and lighters which they
relinquish after they become adept at the friction method of making
Fire. They’re now almost three Moons (months) into their year, and
only two of the five have thus far gotten serious about learning the
skill, and even they are complaining that they lack the motivation to
continue.
“Why?” I ask.
“There’s no reason to
do it. It was fun at first, but when I’m tired and someone else is
here with a lighter, why bother? What’s the point if I’m the
only one doing it? Just seems as though there’s something
missing.”
“Passion, perhaps?”
I ask.
“Yeah,” someone said,
“there’s just no real desire, no need.” They went on to talk
about a conflict within the group over how much wild food they would
gather and how much supplemental food they would use, and then about
how it seemed that one or two people were doing most of the lodge
building in the group as a whole didn’t seem to care a whole lot
about getting lodges done.
“Do you see any
relationship here?” I asked.
“Aha! I see what
you’re getting at,) said someone after a moment. “We’re
sputtering along with just about everything.”
“What can we do to help
ourselves feel our hunger?” one of them asked.
“I turn the question
back to you. What’s missing here, what’s missing in each one of
you and in your Circle that’s keeping you from feeling that Fire in
your gut?”
“Well... Seems so
overwhelming! I want to do everything at once. I want to take down
my tent so that I have to finish a lodge, and I want to forage all of
my own food and throw away these clothes and make myself some
buckskins right away, today. But I know I can’t do that. Where do
we start?”
“How about with this
Hearth we’re sitting around?” I suggested. “Fire is our
Center. It’s from this Hearth that we radiate, and it’s to this
Hearth that we come back. It’s here that we share our meals and
our stories. This is the Fire that feeds us and warms us.”
“O.K.; how about,
starting today, we have this be our Sacred Fire? No more matches!
If we’re going to cook, if we’re going to warm ourselves at this
Hearth, it will be with Fire by friction.”
“But I’m not good at
it yet. I don’t know if I can make a Fire when I need one, and I
don’t know if I can trust the rest of you to do it when you might
not want one yourselves.”
“Well, we’ve got to
start sometime if we’re going to pull this Circle together. Maybe
those of us who know how to make Fire can help those of you who don’t
to learn the skill. Sharing the skill would only help us. Guess the
sooner you all learn it, the less pressure there will be on us to
have to make a Fire whenever one is needed. As you often say
Tamarack, ‘giving is receiving’. I can see how that might work
here.”
“Hunger is a beautiful
thing,” I reply. “It’s a strange paradox that when we find our
Hunger, we feed ourselves, and when we have full bellies we will end
up going hungry. A Wolf with a full belly doesn’t Hunt. She naps.
I remember trying to get them to play games when they had full
stomachs, and they did so only half-heartedly. When they were
hungry, they were sharp — they had Fire! They were fun to be with.
We romped through the Meadows and challenged each other to be our
best at the games of shadowing and sensory attunement we’d play. I
can almost say seriously, “Give me Hunger, or give me Death!”
Because life with a full belly is not worth living. When someone is
facing her death she usually doesn’t assess her life by how much
comfort she has provided herself or by how well she has sidestepped
her fears. Rather she looks at how well she faced their fears and
followed their passion.
What can we do when we
don’t feel our passion or when we can’t find the motivation to do
something for ourself? At such times it helps me to do something for
someone else. It pulls me outside of myself and helps restore my
awareness that I am more than just me -- that I am not bounded or
limited by my own feelings and consciousness, or lack thereof. When
I am sad and another is happy, I can partake of that person’s joy;
when I am stupid and another is bright, I can feel smart. In the
same way that sunshine is sunshine, no matter whom it touches or how
many it touches, passion is passion. This is how
With my giving I am
literally receiving – when I am serving someone else, I am serving
myself. I may not be receiving precisely what I am giving, or what I
might like to receive. What I am to doing is opening a channel
whereby there can be flow. Think of it as having a door to the
outside in front of you and not knowing what is on the other side.
You could play it safe and not open the door. That way you would
take no risk – you would know what you have and feel fairly secure
in being able to hold on to it, and you would not have much cause to
worry about your future. In essence, you would be limited by who and
what you presently are. You have defined yourself by your own
self-imposed limitations: because you have relegated yourself to only
your personal past and present reality, your future is likely to be
more of the same.
Now imagine opening the
door. Yes, a gale might blast you head-on. And then again, a
rainbow-painted Butterfly might come drifting in and you will be
bathed in a shower of sunlight and lured outside that room of your
present reality by the intoxicating essence of exploding life that
lusts to pollinate you with its very passion.
“You had to be lively to
get along in those days.” 45 pg. 78 Pretty-shield, Crow,
1800s
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